Friday, April 22, 2011

casualty

of all the explosions that happened today
or could have happened, or didn't
this was the most trivial
casualty - one girl
blown apart by the view
and a promise you never made

4 comments:

  1. I like the idea of this but I want to rewrite it. I will resist the urge bar one suggestion: 'away' instead of 'apart'.

    ReplyDelete
  2. thanks for the comment jim. i chose apart rather than away because the words have somewhat different meanings, and i meant apart. 'blown away' tends to be a phrase indicating you've been positively impressed and that wasn't exactly what i was looking to say. 'apart' also has the connotation of say two lovers being torn apart, which would be the potential light subtext of the poem. i'm interested to know why you think 'away' would be better though.

    ReplyDelete
  3. No one says, "I'm going to blow you apart", rather they say, "I'm going to blow you away." You're quite right though, 'blown away' can have a positive connotation. When I made the comment I was thinking about how Brautigan used the expression in his book title: So the Wind Won't Blow it All Away but obviously it's your poem and your choice.

    ReplyDelete
  4. i think maybe the importance of 'apart' rather than 'away' for my meaning in the poem is that 'apart' suggests some deconstruction of the narrator where as away is less definite about that.

    ReplyDelete